Plight of a single woman by Anonymous Contributor

 

September 19, 2016

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A single woman after crossing the age of 30 years automatically attracts many tags, raised eyebrows, questions and advices. In our society, it is believed that every woman needs a man and any woman who doesn’t have a man should spend most of her time and energy in searching one. Being a 30+ single woman myself, I am also tired of listening to certain things and most of these arise from the people we would have least expected; friends, extended family, people who have seen you grow up or acquaintances. They are supposed to be our “well-wishers”. However, while single men seem to have all the fun, it’s strange how dreadful being single can be for a woman. I am sure there would be exceptions to men as well and some of them would hear similar stuff, however, these remarks are common to single woman.

Often wonder how and why it is so difficult for our “Well-wishers” to “see” us beyond the conventions of our age and relationship status. It amazes me how these people have all the expectations from us just because we are single and independent for many years, and our so called “well-wishers” consider themselves to be an authority to pass any judgment on us. The evil mentality of “get married in your 20’s or else you are going to be an invalid woman” in our society has even made it worse.

One of the most unnerving comment is “you are being selective”. Wowww…really??? If you have crossed a certain age in life, one should settle down with anything that comes our way as we have lost the right to choose. We are forced to decide on a life partner without much negotiation and asked to “Compromise”. Compromise to just get a tag of marriage and have a life. According to our so called “well wishers”, not having a family will make you feel lonely after a point of time. Do we lose our life if we don’t have a marriage tag? If you see around, you will see lot of “compromised” marriages just for the sake of that “tag”. Some questions which come across my mind, ”Are they happy? Did they want that life partner? Are they forced to be “happy”? What did they have to compromise on?” Have you thought what their post marriage life is due to the “compromise”?

Another recent comment which I heard is “enough of working, you have worked enough, stop focusing on your career and now focus on getting married. We are worried and will be happy if you get married.” It’s being reinstated that being career-oriented is not the right thing for a woman, especially if it’s affecting her getting married. Even if our parents are proud of their daughter doing well professionally, relatives and friends force them to think that she is too busy focusing on her career and that is why it is so difficult to get a right match. A question that often comes to my mind is “How about your own kids? What answer do you give when your kids delayed marriage comes as a question to you? Will people like you not ask even more questions if we were sitting at home and not working?”

Just imagine, a single woman becomes a discussion of a family gathering, rather than enjoying the festivities the extended family should gather to initiate discussions on why this girl is single and what should be done to get her married….our parents despite not owing any, give explanations. Many can’t grasp the fact that despite being decent looking why is she not getting married? It’s simply difficult for them to accept that a decent looking, hard working and successful girl can choose to be single for whatever reasons she feels right. It’s “NOBODY’s” business.

Our parents and us should be left to deal with our regular issues in life but this world is not a place for that. Everybody wants to poke their nose in our business. It is really hurtful when sometimes our parents even have to bear the blame of “letting us stay unmarried because they can get our salary in return”. I have heard it too. It is hurtful beyond words for me and my parents.We just have to ignore and laugh it out loudly.
A single woman’s age will increase and this is inevitable. We do have our vision of an ideal partner and are not willing to “compromise” just so we can “fit” in with the rest of the crowd. We still want to do a whole lot more with our life like make a career, travel, meet new people, explore and learn new things etc. In simple words, we did not work this hard just to get married.

One thought on “Plight of a single woman by Anonymous Contributor”

  1. You are right however the reaction for a male not married till this age gathers the same reaction with multiple add on’s which are difficult to even mention – one of them being drug addict or alcoholic.

    Marriage and the mentality of the society as such is very typical in our country and while it may be difficult for girls, it is also very difficult for guys and I have seen such people very closely.

    Two cents from my side which may help:

    1) When you are moving against the direction of wind / water remember that there will be resistance and it could be punishing. Only two options – change your directions and go with the flow or enjoy the resistance, adapt to the environment. Achieve small milestones (some rock some tree to reach, hold on to and rest) then move ahead. Slowly you may find the wind directions or flow to be changing with you – It could be a long journey though and different place but you have to be ready if u want to live with joy.

    2. Remember the story of the frog – A frog was kept in a bowl with cold water and put on stove. As the temperature of the water started rising, frog started adapting to the new temperature however when the water started reaching the boiling point, frog wanted to jump out of water but could not as all its energy got exhausted in adapting to the temperature of the water in the bowl finally succumbing to its end. So change the environment if its getting too choking. Do not wait for life time to get people change, at times changing places, set of people make a huge difference and its not as difficult as it seems to be.
    I know its easy to suggest, give an idea but then again one idea can change your life.

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