“She doesn’t reply back to my chat immediately, am I not her priority” ”Why can’t it be like it was in the start of the relationship?” Such doubts and questions to yourself is the beginning of the common phase of insecurity in the relationship. There are 2 phases of this insecurity 1) Assumptions and doubt 2) Self judgement and criticism, keep questioning oneself “Am I looking attractive? Has she got another friend?” Insecurity can turn the relationship toxic. Relationships challenges your core feelings, your own self and shakes the comfort zones we live in. You have to keep pace with the new one, carrying the baggage of past. It makes us so emotional that we don’t want to repeat the failures and in constant pressure spoils the current one.
As per studies, people with low self esteem have relationship insecurities which prevents them to enjoy the benefits of relationships. People with low self esteem want their partner to appreciate them, in moments of self doubt, they can’t recognize partner’s affirmations. The insecurity comes from within, it is so internal that it is not advisable to involve anyone including your partner into it. We can take few steps:
Find out the root cause of the insecurity – We are slaves of our past and the relationships that did not work. As we are growing up, we internalize the experience, the surroundings, our own thoughts so much that it guides us in every relationship.
Challenge your negative attitude whenever you have self-doubt or questioning your partner’s actions. It’s a mind exercise, you have to keep checking yourself till a point to get over with the thought with a solution
Sense of independence – You have your life and let it not focus on that one particular person. When the person is Top of your Mind, you do everything for that person, so much so even compromise on your own purpose of life. This will get your focus back on your life without unwarranted interference in your partner’s life.
Control your actions and reactions – What you are thinking is in your mind, any reaction or action can be destructive. Reassess the situation, your partner’s reactions and wait for the time. It all ends with time without your reaction or action. Be sure of yourself whenever you are planning to express.
Stop Comparisons and measurement – We are influenced with everything around us, and expect the same kind of result for each of our situation. When we give, we tend to expect equal or more in return. It’s not about return, its not a Mutual Fund. Your partner is not a mind reader, communicate your expectation and don’t get into “blame game”
Release the constant need for reassurance – It’s a vicious circle, you start it and it never ends. Sometimes you are satisfied of the reassurance given, sometimes you are not and then you want more of it. You need to work on your self-esteem, be happy with yourselves. In any relationship you seek reassurance it will never end with constant urge for more and more.
Room for no third party – Do not discuss your feelings or emotions to a large extent with anyone. You give an opportunity for others to give their opinion that itself drives your actions. Depending on the advice, you will act like puppet.
Never let your insecurities dictate your behaviour. Nip it on the bud as it might have you lose the most important thing of your life for a meagre issues that may not be even there at first place.